OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
