I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
