We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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