You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize