im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
