Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
