i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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