Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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