my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
