Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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