Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
