i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
