i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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