Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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