if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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