Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
