Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
