If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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