Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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