yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
