Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
