Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize