I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
