I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
