I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize