You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
