Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
