Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
