Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
