He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
