yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
