im six kinds of drunk right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
