Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
