It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
