Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize