Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
