i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
