I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
