I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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