curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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