White coat. Heels.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
