Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
