the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
