On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize