i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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