if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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