Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
