i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
