Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
