i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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