I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
