chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
