the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
