you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am available for nakedness
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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