I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
