I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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