3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
