i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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