Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
