i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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