Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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