please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize