My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
