I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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