had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
