trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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