you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
