I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
