8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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