did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
